Over the years, as I've grown and matured from a child to a young adult, I've realized that life can be broken down into chapters. It's not so much your age at the time or the people in your life then, but the person that you were and the beliefs that you held. At 25 years old, I would say that I've had at least fifteen chapters in my life. I'm curious to know how much you bring with you from each chapter of your life.
Fast-forwarding through the less interesting chapters of my life, such as middle school (what a nightmare) and high school (thank God I found some confidence!), I'd like to focus on the 19-year-old Brittany that took a tour through Mexico and found herself with the help of an Argentinian reggae band. As crazy as this sounds, it's this chapter in my life that I look back on with yearning, discontentment and jealousy. I think of all the insane things that I did in my six months abroad, such as touring with a band I'd only known three weeks, climbing fences to sneak into cenotes or living in hostels with people from other countries, and I know that I can never top those moments again in my life.
It's not that I haven't tried to replace those memories. Since 2007, I've been to Cancun eight times and have grown extremely close to my local friends and am even considered part of their family. I've re-visted the clubs that I once played at and the bars that I used to be greeted by name at and it feels like a ghost town. It's frustrating to know that I can no longer travel to my favorite place in the world without constantly seeing the 19-year-old Brittany, with her blonde hair, hippie scarves and dreads, everywhere.
I know what you're thinking....what a spoiled brat! I admit, it's absolutely true, but I didn't go to Mexico for a fun-filled vacation. My father battled cancer for five years and his misery finally came to an end in 2006. I was technically his step-daughter and my biological father gave up rights to me when I was born. I couldn't get over the fact that I was, legally, fatherless and I couldn't stop picturing myself at my wedding in the future without a father-daughter dance or without someone my kids could call "papaw". I was angry, depressed and extremely bitter. My mom decided that the best thing for both of us was a three week trip to Cancun to heal. We had been traveling to Cancun since I was in high school and returned each year for visits with our friends. It was that trip that I was introduced to my future band and friends and it was that trip that healed the sadness I felt and changed who I am today.
The point that I'm coming to in this long-winded history lesson on that particular chapter in my life is, how do I get over this discontentment I feel in my life? I've done well in my education and am set to graduate in December to, hopefully, find an awesome career. Public relations is such a professional field that's fast-paced, cut-throat and the complete opposite of what I wanted to do. How can I bridge the professional that I've matured into with the fun-filled, free-spritied person I used to be?
With all of these conflicted feelings I have about my future, I can't even imagine what the chapters that my future will bring.
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